Our firstborn came out of the womb beautifully strong-willed, demanding, and curious, which, I have to tell you, is a heart-palpitating combination for a young mother. There were so many tears for both of us the first six months of his life! When he found his words, we attempted to answer his way too lofty inquiries. When he found something that caught his attention, he was off to the races.
Like the day he saw a puddle through the window while I vacuumed in the next room – and he proceeded to knock out the screen and climb out. Y’all. I didn’t know where my three-year-old was for a few minutes, and when I saw the screen off the window I about died. But there he was just a’jumping in the puddle in our front yard.
Needless to say, his feistiness and my quick temper made for a few fireworks. The little fella who would look me in the eye as he pulled every cookbook off the shelf I’d just picked up would be the same one to come to me in tears, afraid I didn’t love him anymore because I’d gotten mad. That’s about the time God inspired me with an analogy to share with my son.
I assured him that my love for him would always and forever shine like the sun in the sky – that my anger was like a passing cloud that covered the sun. Even when the sun was hidden, my love for him stayed the same. Knowing this truth seemed to help us both breathe and believe.
It’s no coincidence that this was the season I had also begun reading my Bible, satisfying my hunger for more of God by digging into His Word. Imagine my awe when I discovered that God’s love works the same way – it never ceases, even when we can’t see or sense it. Even when we mess up miserably, God in His mercy desires for us to come to Him so that our broken relationship can be restored. Even when we’ve failed to seek Him first and most – or even at all – our patient God waits for our eyes to re-affix on Him.
Doubt
On the days when dark clouds roll in and we cannot find God, it’s tempting to believe He has left us. Thoughts of God ‘washing His hands of us’ cause us to doubt He still sees or hears us. It feels like His patience has run out and His mercy has found its end (Lamentations 3:22).
Dig
I can look back across my adult life and recognize seasons that held little light, when thick clouds of pride, regret, or shame threatened to separate me from God. One particular season lingered darkly. The years when the costs of raising a family constantly threatened to outpace our income created pressures that pushed and pulled me between I-can-do-it pride and everything-is-fine denial.
Pride kept me at a distance from those who might help – if I’d only ask.
Denial kept me from acknowledging the changes that I needed to make.
I withdrew from relationships that might notice my stress and ask questions. I even hid parts of myself from God, and as a result, He seemed so far away. I see now what I didn’t then – my pride, which was fueled by shame’s anxiety, built barriers between my Father and me. So an already difficult season grew darker.
Such darkness swirls with doubt. I doubted God’s willingness to forgive me – a person of faith in a position of leadership responding to life’s stresses in such unhealthy ways. I doubted that God’s patience would actually be unending because I’d ignored His guiding voice in the past… Those churning inner thoughts distressed me – while my pasted-on smile pretended all was well.
Dig Deeper
Scripture recounts the story of God, describing for us a Creator whose mercy for His beloved renews every morning (Lamentations 3:23), a Father whose patience flows right out of His desire for us to turn back to Him (Romans 2:4).
Digging into God’s Word gives us what we need to push away the veil of darkness and begin to know Him – not just facts and information, but His heart and very person. We discover that He longs for us to call on Him, no matter what we have done or how we feel, so that He can forgive, heal, and deliver us. We see Him as One who never gives up on His people:
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.”
2 Chronicles 7:14-15, emphasis mine
“If we admit our sins—simply come clean about them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.”
1 John 1:9 MSG
And we begin to understand that when God seems silent or absent that it’s merely a cloud shrouding His presence from our vision – for a time and for a purpose:
“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.”
2 Peter 3:8-9 NLT
Discovery
God will be true to Himself. That line in The Message version of 1 John 1:9 caught me up short. In all that we’ve been learning about God’s nature, we can grasp the truth of these words. God cannot go against His character even as He confronts our sins and mistakes, habits and weaknesses. His goodness and love won’t allow Him to deny us mercy when we seek it. Our Redeemer’s righteousness patiently moves through the world longing to make things – to make us – right.
This is exactly what I learned about God in that season when I was allowing my self-preserving responses to our stressful situation to cloud my view of our Merciful Lord.
Part of the darkness resulted from my own unrepented sin. I didn’t want to admit to such struggles or to my shortcomings. So I stewed in the valley that hid God from my view. I self-quarantined in the desert, tormenting myself with condemning thoughts – I should do more. I should be better. Should listen to God. Should trust His ways, His heart, His provision. Friends, God does not desire us to be imprisoned by such ‘shoulds’. He wants to set us free!
God knows our hubris blinds us to shackle-freeing truth.
At some point, all my denial became impossible to ignore and pride began to demand its fall. So humbling myself before my Father, I began taking steps toward Him. I journaled my confessions. I lamented the motives behind my self-focused responses.* I asked for God’s help, and in His mercy He led me to a friend of great wisdom and compassion. Admitting out loud that I could no longer bear all the weight on my own, that I couldn’t ignore our reality for another day freed me!
And as I listened to this friend, a light dawned – God had not been absent. Feeling His mercies renewed that day helped me trust that He would see us through, that He would provide – though I deserved far worse.
And, isn’t that just how we define ‘mercy’ – not getting what we deserve?!
Sometimes, my friends, we walk through dark valleys that have been forced upon us.*** Other times they land in our path because of our own choices, yet either way God’s mercies remain the same. Because He remains the same.
Seek my face is another phrase that caught my eye as I looked at the hidden treasures of Scripture this week (2 Chronicles 7:14) – because in my initial deep dive into the Bible earlier this year, I consistently came across verses that describe God as hiding His face. Thus intrigued, I looked at the Hebrew to unpack both of these phrases.
- ‘Seek’ – to look for, to pursue.
- ‘Hide’ – to conceal or withdraw.
- And in both phrases, the word for ‘face’ is the same, and it essentially refers to God’s presence.
To seek God’s face is a figurative way of saying, pursue a personal relationship with God – and not just for what He can do for us. But for who He is.1 So when the Psalmist exhorts us to “seek His face always,” we can imagine ourselves looking for our Holy Father – so that we can know Him wholly (105:4). With this perspective, Jesus’ call for us to seek God’s Kingdom “above all else” takes on greater meaning (Matthew 6:33 NLT). When we pursue God – His ways, His face, His whole being – we are getting to the heart of His nature. We’re aligning ourselves with Him, and that’s the ticket to a life hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3).
In contrast, over twenty times in the Old Testament, God describes Himself as hiding His face from someone. And in the Hebrew, the word sathar is used every time. Its literal definition is “to hide or conceal” but in these instances this word specifically means “hides his face” or “withdraws his favor.”2 So, when God told the exiles that “I abandoned you” for “a brief moment” – that “I hid my face from you for a moment” – He was describing the way the dark clouds of sin separated Him from His people (Isaiah 54:7-8). And how He then removed Himself from them.
Their sin built barriers. And their sin elicited a holy response from God.3 He hid His face from them.
It helps to know that ‘hiding his face’ includes the removal of God’s presence and favor from the people who’d abandoned Him, who’d broken their covenant with Him (ie: Deuteronomy 31:16-18). But to make it even more relatable, some Old Testament writers explain God’s decision as Him “handing His people over” to their wicked desires (ie: Judges 2:12-14).
Paul employs a similar phrase to describe God’s righteous response in those days:
God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts…
Romans 1:24,26,284 (emphasis mine)
God gave them over to shameful lusts…
God gave them over to a depraved mind…
When God “hides His face,” He is essentially giving stiff-necked people what they think they want.
This withdrawal of His divine presence and power is not out of provocation or meanness but for righteousness sake.4 Remember, He will always be true to Himself. As such, after great patience, our just God will no longer look upon those who refuse to look upon Him.
In talking with learned friends and reading multiple commentaries, it’s obvious to me that there are varied opinions about whether or not God will ‘hide His face’ or ‘turn His back’ on Christ followers. Whatever our views, however, the good news of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection tells us that even though our sins create a barrier with the One who loves us, we no longer have to live with the fear that God will give up on us. Christ’s redeeming blood covers us, giving us grace to be reconciled to Him (2 Corinthians 5:17-19).
And that means when we turn our faces toward our Father to seek His, we’re immediately forgiven (1 John 1:9). Restored and reconnected. The clouds dissipate, and we can once again see the bright love-sun shining upon us. We are assured of His mercy and of His divine presence in our lives.
Friends, I don’t know what choices or habits or past mistakes haunt you, but I do know that God longs to free you from such shame-shackles. He desires that you would seek His face – to know Him – so that you will live full of faith, trusting that He sees You. Hears You. Loves You. And that He’s at work on your behalf.
Our Father’s mercy has no limits, no end. And His patience – also well-dubbed as long-suffering – endures throughout every single dark-valley-season. No matter how long it takes for us to seek His face, His patient mercy is ready to forgive and restore. No matter how long it feels like God has hidden Himself from us, we can stand on the solid ground of truth – that as we turn back toward our Father, our past troubles are forgotten, forever hidden from His eyes (Isaiah 65:16). Thank You, Jesus!
Father God, how great are your mercies! How long your patience lasts! We know that You will always be true to yourself, which means that in your goodness, You will not deny us mercy when we seek it. We confess that shame has held us in its grip and pride has kept us prisoner in the dark valley for too long. So, today we turn to You. We seek your face, desiring to know you more fully. We long for full restoration with You. And we know, without a doubt, that when we confess our sins to You that You are quick to forgive us and to cleanse us of all that is broken within us. Lord Jesus, we are so grateful that when our Father seems far away, your great love keeps us tethered to Him – despite how we feel or what we see. We’re grateful that by your blood we can be set free from all that keeps us from abiding in the presence of our Father. And, we’re grateful that your victory over sin means that God will never give up on us – that we’re never too far gone in His eyes. You have redeemed us! Holy Spirit, You are the ultimate gift. The fact that You dwell in us means we have been given all the courage, strength, power we need to humble ourselves before the Lord and to speak truth about everything we hold inside – about all that separates us from our Father. And we know that with You as our Helper, we will better know our Father. We will always be led to wisdom when we seek it. We will always be granted mercy when we ask for it. It’s in Jesus’ most precious name we pray, amen.
(inspired by: Lamentations 3:22-23; 2 Peter 3:8-9; 1 John 1:9; Jeremiah 9:24; Galatians 6:3; Proverbs 16:18; Psalm 80:3; John 15:4,9-13; Ephesians 1:7,17; 1 John 5:4; 1 Corinthians 15:57; Romans 8:39; Ephesians 3:16-19; James 4:10; John 8:31-32; Isaiah 59:2; Proverbs 28;13)
***The focus of today’s post are the dark valleys created by our own sin. There are, however, seasons, often called ‘dark nights of the soul,’ that don’t seem to have a direct connection to our choices. When we find ourselves encumbered by the heavy clouds that block the light we know shines wherever God is, we might spend some time discerning the source of such seeming separation. Have we been the cause? Or has this season been laid upon us for a different, albeit unknown, reason? Friends, when we feel as though God has abandoned us, a type of spiritual depression can seep in and weigh us down – “a depression linked to a crisis of faith.”5 It happens to the best of us – David’s cries to God reveal a heart desperate to hear from His God. Jeremiah’s tears speak to a man’s heart that breaks for God to show up in the midst of his people’s constant, unrepentant sin.5 Instead of giving up hope, we keep looking to God as they did. We take one step forward each day by faith, trusting God is still ‘there’ even though we may not sense His presence or hear His voice. We keep believing that God is at work and will lead us through the soul-shaping season — right into His glorious light once again.
Resources: I love sharing with you the books, podcasts, articles, and anything else that has inspired, encouraged, or taught me. These are humble offerings with no expectations.
- 1 – This Got Questions article elaborates on the concept of “seeking God’s face.”
- 2 – Here’s the webpage to see more about sathar. Scroll down to 2c for details described here.
- 3 – This article ends with a helpful explanation as to this both-and distancing that happens because of sin. When we sin, we remove ourselves from God’s presence. And the longer we choose to remain in that sin, the more distant God becomes. (If you read the opening paragraph, you’ll see the author used the same exact analogy God gave me for my son – and me. I love the way God’s Spirit speaks!)
- 4 – This Bible Project article about God’s anger.
- 5 – This R.C. Sproul article gives some more detail about “the dark night of the soul,” and with such detail, I think we can better identify where we are, spiritually speaking. That naming of emotions, that speaking truth about what we’ve done (or not done) – they aid our ability to keep drawing near to God – even when it feels like He’s not drawing near to us… And we keep leaning-in to what we know to be true about God. He’s good; He’ll get us through. He’s merciful; He’ll forgive. He’s patient; He won’t give up. So neither should we!
- Our Backpack of God’s Attributes is our virtual bag for collecting every characteristic of God we find in all our hunting. We’re loading up all we discover about Him. So far:
- God is Worthy — He deserves all glory and honor and praise.**
- God is Glorious — He displays His greatness and worth.**
- God is Transcendent — He is not like humans. He is infinitely higher in being and action.**
- God is Truthful — Whatever God speaks or does is truth and reality.**
- God is Incomprehensible — God is beyond our understanding. We can comprehend Him in part but not in whole.**
- God is Love — God feels and displays infinite, unconditional affection toward His children. His love for them does not depend on their worth, response, or merit.**
- God is Gracious — The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love (Psalm 145:8).
- God is Good — God is what is best and gives us what is best. He is incapable of doing harm.**
- God is Comforter — the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
- God is Deliverer — God rescues and saves His children.**
- God is Redeemer — Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine (Isaiah 43:1-2).
- God is Omnipotent — God holds all the power. Nothing is too hard for God.**
- God is Almighty — What God wills, He can accomplish.** “For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him” (Colossians 1:16).
- God is Infinite — God has no limits in His person or His power.**
- God is Sovereign — “O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you” (Jeremiah 32:17).
- God is Just — God is fair in all His actions and judgments. He cannot over-punish or under-punish.**
- God is Righteous — God is always good and right.**
- God is Wrathful — God hates all unrighteousness.**
- God is Merciful — God does not give His children the punishment they deserve.**
- God is Patient/Long-Suffering — God is untiring and bears with His children.**
- God is Provider — God meets the needs of His children.**
- **many thanks to Jen Wilkin and her list, “Attributes of God,” present at the back of every study
- In the July issue of my newsletter, The Abiding Life, I mentioned the way JD Walt’s faithfulness to his daily Wake Up Call posts have been such a huge part of my journey with the Lord. Well, THIS WEEK, he ended one of his posts/recordings with a relatively modern hymn, “Knowing You” by Graham Kendrick. My ears immediately knew the tune — it was on our previous playlist! And, it’s so perfect for all we’re talking about in this series — about knowing God beyond facts, about knowing His character, His heart — that I’ve added the song to our current playlist, “Hidden Treasures.” By the way, if you’d like me to send you my July newsletter, email me! You can subscribe to future newsletters here.
Rhythms: As my newsletter’s title infers, we seek to develop an abiding life in this space — a place where we can get informed but also be transformed as we learn to abide in God’s presence throughout our days. I like to think that developing rhythms is one way to aid us in our desire to become more Christlike.
Praise, our summer rhythm, is the speaking of truths about WHO GOD IS. It lifts our eyes off our circumstances and back onto the One who can walk us through them. And the Psalms are packed with poems that will lead us through this ritual of reflection and remembrance — until it becomes a rhythm that we fall into naturally.
*As I worked through the Well Watered Women’s study on Micah this spring, I came across this paragraph:
“Throughout Scripture, prophets, leaders, and people lamented as a humble and contrite response to their sin. In his book Dark Cloud, Deep Mercy, Mark Vroegop explains, ‘Lament is a path to praise as we are led through our brokenness and disappointment. The space between brokenness and God’s mercy is where this song is sung. Think of lament as the transition between pain and promise. It is the path from heartbreak to hope.’” –Gretchen Saffles, in Micah, p.99
I love this for so many reasons! One, Gretchen describes the actual process I went through in my dark season — I just didn’t have the vocabulary for it. I lamented! It was that transition place that carried me from my pain into God’s promise. Wow! Two, this explanation of ‘lament’ gives us a more tangible idea of what it looks like to “give space for God to do a work in us” (my premise for my teacup videos). Three, this reminds us that lament is not the dark valley. It’s not the place to remain; rather, it’s the path forward — “a path to praise!!” Whoa. This gives us practical definition, application, and affirmation!
- This week, let’s read Psalm 86. Appropriately (and unplanned), this is one of the Psalms of Lament. As you read through it, notice the way the psalmist cries out to God, asks for help, and responds in trust and praise. THIS is what we’re meant to do with our suffering! This Psalm models for us what we’ve been learning, what Gretchen is describing. Also, look for all the ways God is described and for the psalmist’s call for His mercy. Finally, see if you can find our Exodus 34:6 verse!
- And while it’s not a spiritual practice or rhythm, I invite you to share this site. Summer is a great time to ask someone else to join us here — it is a shared journey of faith, for sure!
Featured Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash. “All the Bits and Pieces” photo by Zrng N Gharib on Unsplash.
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