My dream of writing ebbs and flows. It’s not a lunar thing. It’s a confidence thing. As my confidence goes, so goes my dream.
I don’t think I realized this desire to write was a dream, but I do remember wanting to write when I was teaching a lifetime ago. Pre-kids. Pre-Google. Maybe even pre-PC! Yet somehow I found out about this writing course for children’s literature that I could do by mail.
It was so fun! I got the coolest package in the mail with my binder and writing assignments, and I dove right in.
Only… there was no splash.
Really. I was no good.
And I really tried. I worked hard. But, alas, kids’ fiction-writer I am not. Confidence tanked. Dream ebbed.
A few years and two kids later came my attempt at writing family history. What I enjoyed the most about family history was asking family members for stories and historical facts. I loved hearing the stories, but once again the writing didn’t seem to click for me.
We moved (again), had a third son, and life got busier. So I laid down the writing dream and chased kids (which was awesome, by the way).
I was a latecomer to the blog-scene, but years later when I finally discovered them, the wide world of writing opened up! I found bloggers whose styles amazed me and entertained me. They were free-flowing and un-stiff. They had humor and heart, and I had a new love.
I’m not sure when I realized that I might try blogging, but I did.
“I’m just dabbling,” I’d tell myself. And in many ways I was. I am. I’m finding my voice and style as I seek God for what it is He wants me to say.
Then I picked up Holley Gerth’s book, You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream. As I read the pages, my stomach flipped and flopped. My heart beat a little faster because I KNEW. For the first time I knew writing was my God-sized dream. I was taking a serious step toward really writing.
I found such freedom in her words. I realized I am a dreamer…my dream is from God! And I realized if I will rest in His love, then I can RISK as a dreamer!
And if I won’t make my writing about proving myself (oh, that perfectionist just won’t go away), then I can keep moving forward…pursuing God, not the dream!
Such freedom! And…the foundation of God-sized dreams.
If I’ll grab hold of some simple truths and keep stepping out in obedience as God reveals those next steps, then little by little…I’ll be doing what God is calling me to do.
Hear some of those truths and let them fill your heart:
When you begin from a place of love [because God loves you], belonging, and acceptance, your dreams are about the One who calls you.
You can trust that what you do is enough because you understand your part is obedience.
He has already given you all you need and made you all you need to be. He will make everything unfold in his way, his time.
Your most valuable asset as a God-sized dreamer isn’t the plans you can make or the connections you have. It’s not the talents you possess or the experiences you can list. It’s your heart.
(Emphasis added is mine).
This foundation of knowing that I’m enough because this dream isn’t about me frees me to risk. Frees me to give it my all. Frees me to trust that if God calls me to do it, He’ll give me what to say. And He’ll tell me where and how and to whom. He will.
You do realize I have written these words as much for myself as you. Remember that ebb-and-flow-thing? Just when I think my confidence is flowing, it ebbs right out and fear steps in. It’s not rational. It’s certainly not truth. But it’s what happens.
So it bears repeating — I’m enough because God is. I can rest in His love and trust in His provision.
And so are you! And so can you!
Our role? As the hymn says…to trust and obey!
Dream a’flowing,
Shelley Johnson